Polite Society

To be honest, there is so much etiquette that ones needs to remember that all I can really do is list the main points, so long as most of there are adhered to in the game, we'll have an adequate representation of the period. Please feel free to expand on this if you wish - I will happily update the site with any extra information that you feel is important.

Calling Cards and Visiting People.

Calling in on people and leaving calling cards was predominantly a woman's occupation in polite society. Calling cards were deemed a mandatory part of social etiquette as they announced the arrival of people to town and the departure of people from town. When one wanted to make the acquaintence of someone, the lady of the house would call by a house and leave a calling card with her name, title and address. The receiver of the card would then have the option of either calling in for a visit or leaving a card of their own - either/or had to happen otherwise you were considered rude and were basically shunned by the rest of the ton.

Whilst this was mainly a woman's pasttime, men also had the option of leaving calling cards. Generally in the case of married people, the husband would leave two cards, one for the husband and wife of the other couple (if they were visiting a likewise married couple) and the lady would leave her own card for the wife only. Any children also worth mentioning (and these were generally single ladies who were of age to be "out" or young eligible men) were annotated on the wife's card.

When paying a visit, one would almost always be received in the afternoon. As a general rule, new acquaintences were received between 3-4pm, frequent acquaintences would be received between 4-5pm and close friends would be received after 5pm. Such visits, barring that of the close family friends would last no more than 15 minutes (as was the fashion) and would generally not deviate from such conversations as to enquiring after one's health and the weather (if you saw My Fair Lady, you would see Henry Higgins telling Eliza that she is not to deviate from these two subjects at the Ascot races). Closer friends would be able to stay slightly longer.

It was most obscene for a woman to call on a man without a chaperone for anything but business, however a man could call on a lady at will.

Coming Out (not out of the closet!)

Contrary to popular belief, women were not all married off at the ages of 14, or 15. Young ladies were to be seen but certainly not heard until their 17th birthday and even then only after she had had her "coming out", or her debute to the London ton, generally in the drawing room at St Jame's Palace. Up until this time, young women were not allowed to speak unless spoken to, and even then it was simply to say yes or no. Upon their 17th birthday, there would be a shift into what they considered adulthood where they were then expected to dress as an adult and wear their hair up in the adult fashion rather than down (often a looser style) as children would.

If there were more than one daughter, only those who had debuted were allowed to pursue marriage or have male callers. Woe betide any man who accidentally mistook a younger lady who had not yet debuted as being "out" for her older sister and her mother would be greatly offended.

It didn't take much for scandal to errupt and the ruination of family names to occur.

General Etiquette

For the Gentleman...

1. In riding or walking, the lady is always closest to the wall or furthest from the street.

2. Meeting a lady in the stress or in the park whom you know only slightly, you wait for her to acknowledge you you (with a bow) - then and only then may you tip you hat to her, which is done using the hand farthest away from her to lift the hat. You do not speak to her - or to any other lady - unless spoken to first.

3. If you meet a lady who is a food friend and who signifies that she wishes to talk to you, you turn and walk with her if you wish to converse. It is not "done" to make a lady stand talking in the street.

4. In going up the stairs, you precede the lady (running according to authority); in going down, you follow.

5. In a carriage, a gentleman takes the seat facing backwards. If he is alone in a carriage with a lady, he does not sit next to her unless he is her husband, brother, father or son. He alights from the carriage first so he may help her down. He takes care not to step on her dress in in the process.

6. At concerts, the man is to go in first to find the lady a seat. If he enters and there are ladies or older gentlemen present, he removes his hat.

7. A gentleman is always introduced to a lady - NEVER the other way around.

8. A gentleman never smokes in the presence of ladies.

For the Lady...

1. If unmarried or under thirty, she is never to be in the company of a man without a chaperone. Except for a walk to chirch or a park in the early morning, she may not walk alone but should always be accompanied by another lady, a man or a servant. An even more restrictive view is that "if she cannot walk with her younger sisters and their governess, or the maid cannot be spared to walk with her, she had better stay at home or confine herself to the square garden".

2. Under no circumstances can a lady call on a gentleman alone unless she is consulting that gentleman on a professional or business matter.

3. A lady does not wear pearls or diamonds in the morning. (Distasteful.)

4. A lady never dances more than three dances with the same partner.

5. A lady should never "cut" someone, that is to say, fail to acknowledge their presence after encountering them socially, unless it is absolutely necessary. By the same tokem, only a lady is ever truly justified in cutting someone: in the case of a persistent man whom the lady does not wish to make an aquaintence. Upon approach of the offender, a simle stare of silent iciness should suffice; followed, if necessary, but a "cold bow, which discourages familiarity without insult..."